Time well spent..

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Moods can be strange , my cat growled differently at me, my pigeons seem louder than usual , the dog has been howling in a perfect rythm , the dripping tap doesn’t seem that irritating, ticking clock and my cell shrieks the usual ring tone ” you’re my honey bunch ….sugar plum etc etc ” .

Took two days off work intentionally, planning things I wanted to catch up on…yet all I did was sleep and have mushy conversations with my better half – not bad actually .

Unflexing the taut and stressed out muscles is ok once in a while . A cup of steaming coffee , untouched , finger tracing the rims , a book half read lying on the bed , propping up on the elbows , lying flat on the stomach, swaying the legs …. wait a sec ? I actually enjoyed myself – been a while since I did that…

Certainly calls for a celebration – some pakoras maybe with loads of ” anaar dana” init ..

I did pick up a canvas today …just wasn’t in an emotionally turbulant state , usually need that as a catalyst for some wild strokes.Well then it had to be a little singing , with the quietest corner found, I shyly uncoil the rusty strings in the throat. A few favourite nayyara noor ghazals , tina sani , nazia , vital signs , lata rafi ones … enough .. let’s wash the lounge floor ..crazy yet interesting..

Filled up a bucket , splash water on the marble , take the slippers off , need the cinda – freakin – rella act perfect and then moppin up … goood … as good as soul cleansing …I wipe and wipe and wipe till the palms go sore..

Time to rest … with a 45 + on the outsides , I draw the curtains , lie back , pick the book again…

Cat of nine tales hmmm why can’t that shop keeper get me the prison diaries ..he keeps replacing the ones I buy , never adding anything new to the collection.

Throwing the book back , I grab ” whitney my love” Hubba Hubba – this better be good , A woman needs to spoil herself at times . Half book read , excited to finish the rest ..even though the story is SO predictable … I dose off… tucking myself in the sheets ..hugging the ol worn out teddy…

Waking up to the phone bell , not wanting to leave the warmth of the bed ….”hello – hello – hello ” I hang up ,why the hell do they call when they don’t want to speak up …

I look at my image in the mirror-” you’re asocial ”

So what – ” you’re a lil messed up in the head too ”

I know , I know ..only proves that am a genius -self- ego-boosting -mechanism…

How in the world did I settle for a relationship , amazing , never thought I could – I keep surprising myself …and others probably ..

Most of my friends knew for sure I was going to die a bachelor or die of an ailment in a dark , moist room with no friends and family . All I did was betray them , step out of the league I so dearly loved and rubbed off a little dramma from their and my life.Not just did I settle for this “ONE” person , I actually stopped admiring good looking opposite gender.Good going! There was a time when after playing the charming docile lady for a while , I would kill the prey and feed it to the dusty pages of history and smile at it laters …My sadistic tendencies came to a halt all of a sudden when I saw someone very dear suffer because of it.

To this date , I have never understood what rolling along with the momentum of life mean, is it to be who we are , age , achieve , lose and die? Or is it living in an illusion ,grabbing what we can ,taking chances , growing into layers and layers of years , memories , regrets , letting the grains of sand creep away from the cracks between the fingers and a voice that weakens as it goes far away…

Coming back to where I was – it is in these moments that these strange questions stop bothering me as I purge them out of the system …A load off my chest , time well spent..

For Return He Must…

Rise

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